Thursday, October 24, 2013

5 Secrets To A Successful Marriage

I know, I know... ironic post for me to write at this point in my life. But I feel like I have learned a lot over the course of my marriage and I can be more honest about it than those actively stuck in a loveless, stagnant marriage.

#1 (And most important to me) You can not be selfish. It's simple. Stop and think about it... if 5 o'clock rolls around and one spouse is saying, "Oh, let me make dinner, you had a long day at work." And the other counters, "No, no, let me... you have had a trying day with the children." If these were the type of disagreements that happened in your household... how could you possibly go wrong? AND, what type of life lessons would you be illustrating to your children? There is simply too much "ME ME ME" in the world today and it has lead to stressed friendships, lack of empathy for community and neighbors and strained relationships.

#2 Affection. We all want to feel loved. You need to hold hands, kiss, run your hands through their hair, rub their shoulders as you watch that movie... If there is no affection, you are simply roommates. And this means sex as well. A healthy sex life between a committed couple is so very important. You need to make time, and each make the other feel wanted.

#3 You each need to be dynamic people. You can not simply rely on the other for your complete happiness. You need other interests, hobbies... moments away from eachother. Getting out and having interests in life will give you something to talk about, ways to challenge eachother and cause you each to rise in life rather than being stagnant, sitting on a couch in front of a television every night. You need to have your own time, your own fun... to be your own person.

#4 Date. Date. Date. Along the lines of not becoming a stagnant person, you also simply can not become a stagnant couple. It will never work! Go on dates. Whether it is once a week... once a month- just do it! And they do not need to be expensive or time consuming. It can be simple. A walk along the river, meet for coffee, have a picnic in your backyard. Make time for your relationship just like you make time for your kids, your job, a freaking oil change for your car. No excuses.

#5 Don't sweat the small stuff. I think this is a hard one. I am the very first one to get annoyed at the littlest thing: "Arggg, he did not take the trash out AGAIN!" But, really... really? In the grand scheme, who the hell cares? Pick the damn trash up and take it out yourself. How hard is that?

On the flip side though, communicate these small quirks at a non-combative time (as in, don't attack him over the trash can and start a battle.) But, on a quiet evening when things are going swimmingly, broach the topic: "You know it drives me batty when you walk out the door every single morning and past the trash can and never bring the trash out. It would complete my life if you would just take the trash when you go." Maybe he will listen, maybe he won't. If not, look at it in the grand scheme... is it worth raising your blood pressure or could you use it as an excuse to take a step outside and feel the sunshine on your face for a few moments?

These are my ideas... do you have any to add?

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1 comment:

  1. Amen! Dating is so important. And the small stuff? It is really just stupid stuff in the end. Great list!