If you mug me for my drugs, you will totally ruin my Christmas.

Sorry to be light on the posts for the holidays, but we had a major minor setback this week in our house. Colby threw his back out on Monday morning as he stepped out of the shower. Threw it out as in laying on the bathroom floor for 2 hours as he could not move. Possibly the worst week of the year for this to happen... as the queen of procrastination, I have dozens of gifts to wrap, random Christmas cards left to send, lots of baking to do, many gifts still to hand make, laundry piled up, basic household disarray on the scale of 'Hoarders' as the baked goods, Christmas cards, random gifts, craft supplies, etc., etc., pile up...

This may be the week where I finally have a breakdown. If you hear breaking news of a wife abandoning her house with a husband in bed calling out for pie and beer... it wasn't me.

One of the chores I despise in life is going to the pharmacy. I typically weasel my way out of it and thankfully we rarely need drugs in this house. But, with Colby lying on the bathroom floor, using my feminine wiles to coerce him to go to the drugstore wasn't working out. AND, since I never go, I was not aware that people completely stock up on drugs the week before a holiday. As in, every pill popper within a 20 mile radius was at my pharmacy.

You see, my disdain for the pharmacy stems from the fact that they seem to be the least discreet people on earth. I don't care what medicine I have, it's like the fabled condom price check, "Mrs. Horne, your erectile dysfunction pills are ready at register 5!"

And Monday was no different. Only in the fact that they were no less than 35 people milling around the 25 square feet of the pharmacy counter at Rite Aid. Colby had a prescription for a muscle relaxer, a steroid and vicodin. The lady hands me the vicodin, I pay and then realize I only had 1 bottle of pills in the bag. I begrudgingly get in the back of the line, wait 15 minutes to get back to the same lady and tell her I am missing the other 2 prescriptions. She yells down to the pharmacist who, in no exaggeration, is 20 feet away. He yells back to me, "The prescriptions you got had to be called in in 2 different ways, so the other request isn't here yet." I am sure I looked perplexed. First off, that he was yelling across the pharmacy at me and second why there were 2 separate requests. "The vicodin you got is a controlled substance and can't be faxed in like the other 2."

Oh, sweet. Now every person here thinks I am some pill-popping crack whore. Or, even better, the pill popping crack whores that are here now know that I am packing and are going to push me down in the Rite Aid parking lot and steal my drugs.

Oh, yes... Merry Christmas, one and all.