Twitter Cliffs Notes

If you don't follow me on Twitter, you should, because this is what you are missing...
(I have removed other people's @'s, as to protect the innocent.)

• Did your parents have those little rugs that went around the bottom of the toilet? Eww..... just... ewwww!

• Iron Maiden... not so much.

• I am unduly distraught over this national pumpkin puree shortage. No pumpkin muffins, pancakes, pies! It better be fixed by Thanksgiving!

• She's 15 months old... yet I am still determined to 'wipe' that freckle off her butt at every diaper change. Poor baby.

• Parenting tip 4567: disuade use of your toothbrush as gardening implement. > or as toilet brushes

• yes, some ppl DO drive expensive cars and live better off while receiving welfare than some who do not. >AGREED

• 3 Year old: Mom, is my no-no a muscle? Me: uhhhhh

• I do not enjoy picky eaters or kids without manners.

• I hate HATE dealing with raw chicken. It makes me want to vomit.

• My husband just told me I am not old enough to be a cougar. Damn it!

• He did look very young... and I do not own acid washed jeans anymore or belly shirts (Lucky for the world!)

• Forced to stop at a backwoods gas station. I couldn't pay at the pump and the patrons did not a have a full set of teeth between them all.

• Well you could do the rain boots with sweat pants if you're going to Walmart. Everything goes with sweatpants there.

• Overheard through the Dunkin's drive-thru speaker "Don't give me that headset all wet with your earsweat." Um, gross!

• 3 year old: This is the best muffin in the whole wide world. Why thank you, sweetie, thats what happens when I let the bananas rot.

• I just taught my 3 year old to write her very first word.... POOP. Come on, she's good at P's and O's.

• well, well, well, we are both traveling back to 1992 tonight... how bizarre.

• 4 year old just ran out the door with a spoon... hmmm... I wonder where all my silverware goes?

• Daughter just read me 1/2 hour of 'A Wrinkle in Time'. I still love getting stories read to me.

• i am posting embarrassing photos of friends from high school on Facebook! Have to sort through and hide the incriminating ones!

• Good mommy! I just did 1 tattoo parlor with one baby and I am exhausted!

• To the ones who find my blog via "drug addicted soccer mom" and "swinging mom"... sorry to disappoint.

• I avoid Walmart at all costs! The one in my town is especially dirty/ scary/ smelly.

• I hate alleged boyfriend dickfaces. They suck... for everyone involved!

• I swear to God, if I have to read 1 more Facebook update on your headache, tummy issues, sore back or general malaise...

• Why are you allowed to reproduce? You ARE a moron.

You get the point. This is the brilliance that you are missing out on.