Friday, November 13, 2009

Twitter Cliffs Notes

If you don't follow me on Twitter, you should, because this is what you are missing...
(I have removed other people's @'s, as to protect the innocent.)

Did your parents have those little rugs that went around the bottom of the toilet? Eww..... just... ewwww!

Iron Maiden... not so much.

I am unduly distraught over this national pumpkin puree shortage. No pumpkin muffins, pancakes, pies! It better be fixed by Thanksgiving!

She's 15 months old... yet I am still determined to 'wipe' that freckle off her butt at every diaper change. Poor baby.

Parenting tip 4567: disuade use of your toothbrush as gardening implement. > or as toilet brushes

yes, some ppl DO drive expensive cars and live better off while receiving welfare than some who do not. >AGREED

• 3 Year old: Mom, is my no-no a muscle? Me: uhhhhh

I do not enjoy picky eaters or kids without manners.

I hate HATE dealing with raw chicken. It makes me want to vomit.

My husband just told me I am not old enough to be a cougar. Damn it!

He did look very young... and I do not own acid washed jeans anymore or belly shirts (Lucky for the world!)

Forced to stop at a backwoods gas station. I couldn't pay at the pump and the patrons did not a have a full set of teeth between them all.

Well you could do the rain boots with sweat pants if you're going to Walmart. Everything goes with sweatpants there.

Overheard through the Dunkin's drive-thru speaker "Don't give me that headset all wet with your earsweat." Um, gross!

3 year old: This is the best muffin in the whole wide world. Why thank you, sweetie, thats what happens when I let the bananas rot.

I just taught my 3 year old to write her very first word.... POOP. Come on, she's good at P's and O's.

well, well, well, we are both traveling back to 1992 tonight... how bizarre.

4 year old just ran out the door with a spoon... hmmm... I wonder where all my silverware goes?

Daughter just read me 1/2 hour of 'A Wrinkle in Time'. I still love getting stories read to me.

i am posting embarrassing photos of friends from high school on Facebook! Have to sort through and hide the incriminating ones!

Good mommy! I just did 1 tattoo parlor with one baby and I am exhausted!

To the ones who find my blog via "drug addicted soccer mom" and "swinging mom"... sorry to disappoint.

I avoid Walmart at all costs! The one in my town is especially dirty/ scary/ smelly.

I hate alleged boyfriend dickfaces. They suck... for everyone involved!

I swear to God, if I have to read 1 more Facebook update on your headache, tummy issues, sore back or general malaise...

Why are you allowed to reproduce? You ARE a moron.

You get the point. This is the brilliance that you are missing out on.


  1. I'm glad I'm not missing out! Oh and I am still officially boycotting my ghetto/smelly Walmart!