Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Tattoo You: The Conclusion

If you remember a few weeks ago I had made a completely arbitrary post about giving a tattoo as a birthday gift. Ironically, my friend Kelly's husband called me in reference to said post, "Ok, clear this up for me cause I am a guy and kinda thick... if I give Kelly a nice card and some cash for her birthday and a promise to stay home with the kids, she might want to go get a tattoo?"

"Why, what a great idea. I bet she would love a tattoo and love you for being so thoughtful."

So, Kelly got her card, her tattoo and a promise of a night away. Well, good great friend that I am, I couldn't let her go alone, could I? So I immediately ran to the tattoo shop and made our appointments. "Oh, by the way, hubby, I am going to get a tattoo with Kelly. I mean a girl can't get a tattoo alone, can she?"

Hubby: "Wait, YOU are getting a tattoo? What is going on here? How did this happen?" (In reality, this was my Christmas present from 2 years ago that was severely postponed though pregnancy and nursing.) Plus, hubby couldn't deny me my tattoo and risk being outed to the whole internet. I love the internet.

We went to get a beer at the conveniently located bar-next-door-to tattoo shop before our appointment. Kelly did not sleep the night before as she was nervous about her design, nor did she eat since breakfast and she was quite nervous. And of course, I have my camera because, let's face it, this should be good! Thankfully she only took a couple of sips of her beer since that might not turn out well.

When we entered the tattoo shop, Doug had a few choices of our text drawn up. Hers was some absolutely gorgeous script, mine was less extravagant since, well, it was supposed to be simple. He then handed me an entomology book circa 1960 with hundreds of butterflies to choose from- decisions, decisions.

I made it clear, in no uncertain terms that Kelly was to go first. No way she was going to watch my writhe in pain and get even more nerved up... she'd never go through with it.

So, does it hurt, Kell?

I'll take that as a yes.
"Well... no. It's ok, not too bad... kinda stinging... wait... it's getting hot in here.. I... um... can we stop for a minute." Ummm, Kell, you are a scary green shade of white.

Let's pause for a moment for Doug to put Kelly into a horizontal position, elevate her legs to his shoulder. And let's let the assistant come in and put a wet rag on her neck. Now, this is a good picture. Should I take a picture? I could totally put this on my blog and it is a pretty funny visual.

Ok, nevermind, I will be a good friend and not exploit her moment of trauma. Alright, I'll just take pictures of me... I'm cute.

I'm totally there for you in your time of need, Kell. I'll be over here checking out this cool Garbage Pail Kids poster.

Ok, 1 photo of her waiting to recover won't hurt... she'll never know.

Ok, she was fine. Just a moment of adrenaline/ endorphins/ exhaustion/ hunger. A little small talk until her color comes back... "So, Doug, where is the most painful place to get a tattoo?"

"Idaho." Funny, tattoo man. Real funny. I guess when you spend hours sitting inches from our clientele, you must hear the same insipid questions over and over. Do you think he changes it up? Some days it's Kathmandu, other days it's Nebraska?

Ok, at least one photo to prove we were here together.

Kellys tattoo was finished up within minutes without a hitch, and it was gorgeous. As a matter of fact, I think it makes her look like a superhero. (See the final photo at the end.) I might just give her my Wonder Woman shirt so she can complete the look.

My turn. I wasn't really nervous. It must have been the soothing speed metal on the radio. "It's a Scandanavian band. I think the lead singer is in jail for burning down a church... or maybe murder. Something like that." I mean he must have sized us up when we walked in and thought, "These girls are totally up for some thrash metal." I was a little sad when he went to the radio and stopped it. But, thankfully, he then played Dayglo Abortion. (Of course I asked the band name so that I could go out and buy my own CD!) I think the song was America Eats Her Young. Sweet song... great songwriter.

Ok, no turning back now...

Doug (tattoo man): "Yeah, I haven't slept since a short nap yesterday."
Sweet, just what I'm looking for in a tattoo artist marking on my body with a permanent ink in a conspicuous place with the tiniest, finest line." Well, I will just use my labor breathing techniques to breathe through the pain and anxiety. My happy place...

Who knew I could withstand pushing 3 humans out of my body and a needle puncturing my skin 200 times per minute all by breathing???

Mine went quick and painlessful. I absolutely love it! Love it. Not a moment of second guessing... which is pretty important when you have a piece of art on your body that pretty much every person you will ever meet from here on out with have a gander at.

Oh, what do the tattoos look like, you ask? Well, let me show you...

Please excuse the goo and bandage marks, I just wanted to get a picture before she went home. Aren't they gorgeous??? Doug did a fantastic job. Mine is so fine and crisp, it sorta looks like I drew on my arm with an ultra fine pen. There is not even one slight imperfection. How is that possible? I can't even write that neat on paper... let alone, squishy, twitching, textured human skin! Amazing artist, that Doug! Here's one better, day after, photo...

Oh, and don't ask me what Kelly's tattoo means. Go visit her blog and she might reveal it.


  1. holy crap I love it!

    I am so into wrist tattoos, and I want to make mine bigger, especially after seeing yours!

  2. I like that blonde. I'd freakin' wreck that chick.

  3. Wow, you should find some new friends to get a tattoo with, I can't believe she almost passed out!

  4. I love it - it's beautiful. Such a cool place for it, too.

  5. They look great. I love wrist tattoos. I had my daughter's name put on my wrist in April.