I took a big leap this week and stepped out of my comfort zone. I went to a blogger event in Boston where I knew nobody. No one. Not one person. I am just not the type to go into a group of people and be able to assimilate and make immediate friends. I am not necessarily shy. But I think I just carry this anxiety from childhood where I was tormented by the mean girls. I fear approaching women and having them look at me with that "What the hell do you want?" look.
I moved to a city in NH at age 20. I moved all by myself in hopes of getting out of my small town to greener pastures. And once I was here, it was all like, "Shit, what do I do now?" A 20 year old girl can't just approach other girls at the gym or grocery store without someone thinking you are either trying to bring them into some sort of cult or an experimental college rendezvous.
So, I went at least 2 years with zero friends made. I was pretty much a recluse in my itty bitty apartment in a huge, scary city.
Well, thank God I met Colby and he had the forsight to get me pregnant because fast forward to today where I have the 3 kids and am forced constantly into social situations with moms, teachers, care givers... women. I had to make a decision to open up and take some leaps lest my daughters' communal interactions be wrought with, "What the heck is with your mom over there quivering in the corner?" It has been a very long, slow process... we have lived here 5 years and I actually have a couple of friends and a few others that I will say 'hi' to at Santa's Breakfast. Hey, it's progress.
Wait, I was totally going to tell you about my evening meeting some wonderful women in Boston. I hate long posts, so it will have to wait until tomorrow- but just know that Liz, LZ, Kameron, Deb and the secret toaster lady were sweethearts and apparently oblivious to my awkward social tendencies (or they hid their disdain well.)
I never would guess that you felt uncomfortable! You are so great, I really can't imagine why!!!
ReplyDeleteI only wish we weren't sitting across the table from one another. I wanted to chat so much more!
I think most of us who are drawn to writing feel the same way, but you WERE good at hiding it. Comfort zone schmomfort zone. :)
ReplyDeleteGood for you, I would have just not gone. I fear new people.
ReplyDeleteAww, I wish I could have gone. I'm from MA, but live in NH now.
ReplyDeleteWhat? And how did I not know about this blogging thing in Boston? I feel totally worthless.... I have been trying to get people together for about a year----and no one let me know anything. Humph...
ReplyDeleteI would have loved to meet you, by the by.
you are brave! I'm scared of those things.
ReplyDeleteI need to get over myself, and soon!
I have the same problem. I have lived in RI for 4 years now and have made 2 real friends that I didn't inherit from the fact that my hubbs was born and raised here. NH isn't sooo far away! We'll all have to get together in a smaller environment where the 6 of us can hang out not surrounded by photo printers and film crews!
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